I am in complete and total awe that it has been five years since you left this earth. It seems like yesterday and 100 years ago at the same time. I remember so many details and forget so much at the same time.
I don't wake up thinking of you and go to bed thinking of you anymore. I packed away my picture frames and put my scrapbooks in a drawer somewhere. A stranger wouldn't find you in my house, but I want you to know that you are always here in my heart.
Sometimes I worry that Matt will get angry or hurt that I still think of you often, but I hope he understands how instrumental you were in changing my life and in turn, leading me to Matt.
I didn't understand my self-worth... I don't even think I believed I had self-worth... Lots of terrible relationships taught me a lot that I never processed... until you.
I wish I could see you just one more time... to explain to you how thankful I am for you being in my life... how thankful I am for the short time we had together... how much everything you taught me meant to me... and how happy I am now... Some people asked me if I was angry that God took you from me... and I was at first... but I think it was meant to be. I think God knew he was going to need you, but that I needed you first... I don't think it ever would have lasted with us... it wasn't meant to be... You were meant to lead me to the end of my broken road.. to show me what I deserved...I thank you for leading me to the end of my broken road and to Matt.
You'll always have a special place in my heart.
