Twelve Pains of Christmas

This being our first year in our own home, I've felt an intense respect for the honesty of the Bob Rivers song "Twelve Pains of Christmas." I'm sure you know it.

"The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree"

Definitely not an easy task this year, although possibly not as time-consuming as previous years. Typically we bundle up with my parents & freeze our tails off while hiking around the Ingraham Christmas Tree farm in search of the perfect tree. This year we drove up there, realized it was closed, stopped by another farm, realized they were too expensive, stopped at Home Depot, realized their trees sucked, & ended up at Hilltop Garden Shop, where I'm pretty sure impatience dictated the finding of our tree... which I do love. Even though the set-up included a lot of repositioning because the trunk is crooked. Isn't that always the way?

Oh, did I forget to mention that we put our tree in the sunroom? I assumed (and you know what they say about when you ASSUME) that having our tree out there would be better for various reasons including but not limited to the fact that trees tend to dry out when they're in a house with all that heat & in an effort to keep the pine tree needles in one room instead of all over the house. That being said, the water in our Christmas tree stand is about 5 inches deep & frozen solid. Whoops!

"The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree"

I took this on during one of those unseasonably warm days after Thanksgiving in which I wore a sweatshirt & yoga pants & slipped off my shoes while sitting on the ground and stringing lights. It's not like we chose to go all out this year. Two strands of greenery with lights on the railings, three sets of three mini 2-foot Christmas trees lining the walk, & one 4-foot inflatable penguin. Of course, by the time all was said and done, one half of the railing decided not to work so I had to replace that, and we're pretty sure that the landscapers cut a wire on some of the mini trees during fall clean-up. That being said, the now 6 mini trees & new railing lights are fine. We do have half of a Christmas tree that sporadically flickers, but it just adds character as far as I'm concerned!

"The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree"

There is most definitely a lot of drinking & eating during the holidays. Note to self: postpone diet until January 2nd.

"The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree"

Stupidly, in an effort to save money on Christmas cards this year, I bought cheaper ones from Michael's. I know why they were so cheap; they were blank inside. After the As, Bs, & Cs of the address book, I pulled out my craft box and used a rubber stamp to fill the middle of the cards. I think I successfully wrote out 48 Christmas cards. I'm pretty sure I forgot people, too. I hope they'll forgive us, whoever they are. I let them sit for over a week before I finally sucked it up and started licking the envelopes - by far the worst part. Matt stood in line at the post office for stamps and mailed them on Friday, guaranteeing that at least a few will get to our friends and family on Christmas Eve or after. I can't wait until we have children for the very simple fact that I love how simple it would be to take a picture of my kid in front of a tree, post it to Snapfish or Walmart.com, pick them up, add stamps & addresses, & mail, like the above picture of Dylan & Santa. Perfect!

"The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree"

Somehow we've done a pretty good job this year of saving money & not over-spending, but that doesn't mean we don't owe more money now than we did 2 months ago!

"The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree"

What can I say? So far this month, attending Matt's Willard Family Christmas Party at his Uncle Al & Aunt Melissa's house was my favorite. They just remind me of my own family and I love it!

"The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez! I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree"

The Salvation Army is sort of like being Catholic - there's instant guilt. Everytime I walk in or out of a store and hear that tell-tale bell ringing, I feel immediate guilt that I never carry cash any more. I search in my purse for pennies just to not feel badly about walking past the poor man (or woman) who is stuck ringing a bell in the freezing cold. It's not even that I don't want to give; it's the inconvenience. I never carry cash. I should go to the bank and get some singles for every time I go shopping from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Maybe I'll add that to my list of things to do for next year!

"The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?!?
Five months of bills!
Oh, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!? And finding a Christmas tree"

Now, luckily, Matt & I do not have children yet that demand these ridiculous must-have toys of the season. That being said, what is wrong with children nowadays? Four first grade classes in Peabody wrote letters to Santa & my students worked as Santa's helpers to write letters in return. I can't believe what kids want for Christmas! No wonder I have such trouble finding things for my godson. Lists included things like ipods, laptops, video games & consoles, & any other electronic out there. I can't imagine. And in the first grade! Insanity.

"The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree"

What about Christmas time makes people turn into psycho drivers? I've never seen so many near-accidents, so many angry drivers, so much road rage, so many people FIGHTING over parking spaces - PARKING SPACES! I'm not going to lie - I'm all about getting as close as possible because, let's face it, it's freaking cold out there, but I will NOT argue with someone over a section of asphalt. Life's too short people!

"The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking spaces
BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!
Get a job, ya bum!
Oh, facing my in-laws!
Five months of bills!
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this! One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
And finding a Christmas tree"

This is something to look forward to in the future when we have children, isn't it? Thank God for BJ's.

"The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking spaces
DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!
Charities!
She's a witch...I hate her!
Five months of bills!
Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!!
And finding a Christmas tree"

Oh, I'm not even going to lie. The pain of the Christmas specials is that my DVR only allows me to record two at once, and so there's at least one entire channel at all times that I have to avoid and that means I'm missing important Christmas movies - my favorite.

"The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking?!?
WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Charities!
Gotta make 'em dinner!
Five months of bills!
I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!
Shut up, you!
FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
And finding a Christmas tree "

I know people were bitching this year when Oldies 103.3 started playing Christmas Carols the weekend after Veterans Day but I'm not going to lie, I started checking every day since Halloween. For some people, we wait all year to hear these songs & the earlier they play them, the better!

Oh, how I love Christmas time!:)